I didn’t know. I really didn’t know. I didn’t know that as an artist I could expose too much of myself. I didn't know that I could paint my secrets.

But I did find out… It was a simple assignment in my art color theory class.

“Go home,” said the instructor," and just paint without thinking. Just put whatever you want on canvas. Be spontaneous.”

And so I began ….and thus it ended.

Thursday was the day we all critiqued our artwork. We took all our assignments and hung them up on the board... IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS. First the instructor and then any student who had a comment would offer criticism.

The instructor looked at my painting. Slowly turned toward me and said, “You feel scattered. You feel like you are moving in hundreds of directions at once. Don’t you?” he pointed his acusing finger at me.

I had to admit my instructor was right. Not being able to figure what direction to go was a major problem in my life. As soon as I started one thing, I felt I should be doing something else which lead to something else and... well... I did scatter all my energy. From minute to minute I would spin around in every conceivable direction.

I sunk down in my chair, “How did you know?” I asked in a weak voice. Was he a mind reader? An extra, extra perceptive. A good guesser?

“You told me,” he said.

“I did?” I muttered in confusion.

I didn’t remember opening my mouth. I didn’t remember any words sounding through the air.

“You painted it,” he said. And gestured toward my painting.

And there is was in beautiful pastel shades of blue and orange and green and yellow and pink…fat triangular objects facing in all directions… with fading streaks of paint giving a sense of motion and speed. Fat triangles trying to fly off the canvas.

“Oops!” I really didn’t know that I might expose my inner feelings... things that I wasn’t even consciously aware of... splash my thoughts all over the canvas for the world to see.

Artists beware! Paint at your own risk.

When you are relaxed and non-thinking, when you are merrily splashing paint across your canvas, know that inside can become outside, and outside can be a tell-all book (or tell-all painting) just as surely as an author writing a biography.

Words might lie…paint doesn’t lie. It just splashes and pools and tells your little hidden secrets.

Wouldn't it be fun to look through all the great works of art and see if THEY, the artists, exposed themselves. We know that Monet loved flowers and we know that Gauguin was a little arrogant. He once painted himself as a Yellow Christ. We look at Van Gogh's paintings and think... "He's different."

We look at Salvador Dali and wonder what world he is living in to produce those dripping clocks.

Actually I read an article on Dali which stated that he and his fellow artists would starve themselves and then when they started hallucinating, they would paint. It gives a whole new meaning to the statement, "Starving artists."

Sometimes things appear in my paintings out of nowhere. Little heads, and little people that shouldn't be there. Does that mean anything?

What else is there? I suppose I really should go back through the hundreds of paintings I have already done to see if I have exposed anything else.

Nah! That's too much trouble. Whatever will be will be. And…whatever is done is done.

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